Too often people celebrate success and seldom discuss the flip side. I wanted to share some sentiments about my journey. I am a very private individual who only shares my internal thought process with those who are close to me, however; I feel by sharing this, I may be able to offer some encouragement to others who may feel similar.
Lately I’ve felt like the path to my purpose is so far off course and so out of reach, that it has taken a toll on my self-confidence. I often feel trapped and useless. Opportunities present themselves, and I feel ready, and I feel excited, the outcome isn’t rewarding, and I’m back in the cyclic motions of questioning my worth and my talent.
I’m not going to lie, there are times when I want to flat out give up. Because working so hard towards the feeling of hope and promise is exhausting, when rejection seems to be the only consistent thing happening. I try to remain grounded in my faith and His promise, and this even leaves me questioning my faith, because it has been very hard for me to “be still” and trust, which leaves me feeling ashamed that my relationship with God isn’t as strong as it should be.
I say all this to say, this side of the game hurts. Its challenging, its dirty, its sometimes disgusting. But I imagine that this small little inkling of hope that I am holding on to is divine and was placed in me by someone much greater.
And it is this small little inkling of hope that helps me move forward, even in times such as this when I want to stay grounded in complacency and mediocrity, He won’t allow my spirit to do so.